Wednesday, January 28, 2009

my soul is on u my friend.

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again I would understand
The angry boy a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you dont belong
Youre the first to fight
Youre way too loud

Youre the flash of light on a burial shroud
I know somethings wrong
Well everyone I know has got a reason
To say put the past away
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand

Well hes on the table and hes gone to code
And I do not think anyone knows
What theyre doing here
And your friends have left you
Youve been dismissed
I never thought it would come to this
And i, I want you to know
Everyones got to face down the demons

Maybe todayYou could put the past away

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Nano these are my words for you

If tomorrow is judgement day and I'm standing on the front line and the Lord asks me what I did with my life I'll say I spent it with you.

If I wake up in world war three. I see destruction and poverty and when i feel like wanna go home its okay, if you're coming with me . Because your love is my love and my love is your love. It would take an eternity to break us up. The chains of Amistad couldn't hold us.

If i lose my fame and fortune ( if my dreams do come true) and my home is on the streets.And I'm sleeping in grand central station its okay, if you're sleeping with me.
As the years that will pass us by, we'll stay young through each other's eyes and no matter how old we will get its okay as long as I got you babe.

If I should die this very day don't cry because on earth we were'nt meant to stay. And no matter what the people say I'll be waiting for you after judgement day.

Friday, October 31, 2008

My dearest friend, Happy Halloween

I felt that fear. that fear which springs in us when we love one who is inoxerable,unbending,unmodifiable, with a mind that we can never mold ourselves upon, and yet that we cannot endure to alienate from us.

But i had to return to you. My mind unswervingly bends on returning to you as you are the natural refuge that has been given to me.

I wish to sometimes say i wash my hands off you forever. You don't belong to me. You have been a curse to me.

But the love so deep i cant imagine.Everytime I try it was like how she went back to get him and he called maxxie. You call me by a name no one does and it symbolises us our friendship.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


You are crazy period and you're driving me crazy in a good way.

You sleep with a pizza in your hand

You jump on the machine to get the laundry done

You have that curly hair i like in every guy

You make twinky towers

You are so smart in ways I can't imagine

You're imaginations are beyond mine

You split your talk when you talk

You spy on me ahaha yeah I know you do that sometimes

My mum and friends love you

You have a million issues

You pretend they're less than mine

when i can think of more.. i'll write it down

Saturday, October 11, 2008


im into you, no one else will do cos with every kiss and every hug you make me fall in love. i know i cant be the only one, i bet it's hearts all over the world tonight, with the love of their lives feeling the way i feel when im with you.

Monday, September 29, 2008

he asked ' was i too close for comfort?'

Sometimes things happen and then it really wakes you up. He didn't say those words literally but he meant it that way. He lives halfway across the world, his heart belongs to me and I never knew it. I yearn and look for friends and people whom i can love and rely when he was here all along. Now he's there and still I never saw how he who's halfway across the world made a bigger difference than anyone here.

We have the most sensitive converstions ,one I never pictured myself having with anyone because I know I would end up a mess. How is it that he's all the way there and he still knows it when im not happy by just talking to me through the computer? How is it that he thinks of me everyday and he knows the perfect time to talk to me about something before I explode.

He told me something I never realised. I thought i was over the phase I thought it was gone. I've gotten rid of those who brought me to that dark side. He made sense and it broke my heart because I know he loves me no matter how many times he's said it I know he means more.

I switch and i do it often and it's something I hate about myself. He was here nearer to me but I had to switch and I knew i was doing it. When i switch someone gets hurt and thats why i pushed him away. Someone ordinary would hate me for doing that but he still tells me he loves me, he still looks out for me from where he is.

Im not happy because of the shit people have done to me. He said that I needed help. find the source of my unhappiness and deal with it. I said I have and people do crazy things to me that i dont want to go there and think about it again because I go crazy.

No hopes and dont have them he tells me. How am I not to hope?

If i dont hope nothing will happen. I hoped that things would get better three years ago. In those years of hoping I moved on with life, I managed to go on. I hoped that my friendship with a friend would be better that it was something special I would carry in my life and share with my kids, in those years and time of hoping I moved on.

The friendship hope didn't happen and I've ended it. Its sad and upsetting but if i had'nt hoped then what would I have done then when everything was a mess? If i dont hope, how am i to trust and in return how am i to love?

I had hopes for many things, some worked and some didnt.How can I not hope at all?life would go nowhere. If i fell in love, you cant tell me that i dont have hopes for that person and rely on them. He tells me this because all my hopes on people they never mean well.

No they hardly do.But i cant do this by myself, what do you expect me to do. I have hopes for only the people i love. They've all let me down. All of them.

He knows I yearn for a good friend in life to getaway from all this, but every good friend i find the hopes are wasted. Im too tired and exhausted for trying to keep the friendship, tired of letting the friends walk over me tired of it, tired of thinking letting them walk over me is a sacrifice i would have to make to save the friendship. No more

Somethings i still have to hope for because if I dont I cannot go on. I dont know what will happen in the future. I cant determine the years to come and forsee them for im still too young. These hopes give me a reason to believe in someone, a friend or somebody and love them.

Im sorry i pushed him away and he's far away. Im telling him this I cannot do this, you even think im unstable and i know you want to help but what am i suppose to do?
I dont have luck in having good long loyal friends, and maybe its because of all the shit that has happened i've gone crazy and i scare them off.

Bottom line is i've never found a good long friend one which would confide and tell me things to my face and look at me for me and not judge me,but i have a long way more to go.

He says i pushed and i guess i did it cos im not stable.

You were'nt too close for comfort.I love you for thinking about me and for caring.I do.But im not a mess, I hve my reasons for being this way, if i was to tell you it would be too long. There's so many secrets beneath my eyes. Even the longest friendship i had with a friend, she doesn't knw half of me at all. after a few years things got shaky and i decided to keep the rest for just God and me. I guess i listened to you for that moment.

I switch because they've made my heart fragile. Nothing is easy i knw you say that, and i know that, yes I do. but shitty treatments toward me has become so normal its no suprise anymore but when i think about everything at night it breaks me.

Even if he came here right next to me what more can i say? wht could i say? I try my best to please people but most importantly God.

He has always said to be patient and so im being patient with everything and everyone. I let people push me, walk over me, take wht i want and take the people i love. Im just 17, is it so wrong and crazy that i turned out like this for trying to do what He told me to?

Saturday, September 27, 2008

i try but sometimes i just wont

Okay so heres the deal, now i dont normally do this cos i dont feel its right but right now being right doesnt blooody matter to me. Im a roman catholic and my mom has always taught me to be patient. i have gone through things i never imagined i would and it has made me a better person. i've learned to be more patient and humble.

There's one big problem to that.Human beings and their lack of ethics.
Im seventeen years old and if you were to ask me'' what made you today?'' i'd say THREE THINGS.

1. God
2.My family
3. My bestfriend's family

All three have been a huge influence in my life.

I missed a year of high school and sometimes feel like i'd give anything to be back there.
Stepping in i met new people. i had a tough time fitting in. where i go to now majority of them are still in their narrow minds. Coming from having experiences and exposure somehow made me the 'OUTGIRL' here.To them i spoke funny and somehow my views on Shakespeares' writings were 'unheard words'. Fighting that and studies i juggled them. After almost a year i met the most amaizng friend in college and wondered where was she before?!

Anyhow back to the main point here. There's this girl, who has a very different character one which is somehow annoying to others. When i knew her I understood why but as a Catholic I decided to be patient with her.

We both share the same love for something and thats Music.We are both passionate about it. The only difference is I dont go around dissing people when my passion for it sometimes doesnt work out!!!

Yes this year has been a good year in terms of my singing opportunities. I will not mention them as they are personal information but its been a good year. This girl got to know about some things and started crying and getting mad at me for achieving something. That's not the worst part, implying that i dont deserve it?!

No ones' passion is greater than the other its just different! who the hell do you think you are implying to me that i dont deserve what i have achieved!

Prom Night
Word got around that i perform and i was asked to perform for the night. I refused but they insisted and so i accepted.She proposed an idea and wanted to perform with me and i though okay great sounds like a good idea. We can both come up with our ideas and fuse them. The theme for our night is 'Spanish' and she wanted to do a french song?

okay fine i said sure it wont be a problem. The song choice had to be hers and so i had good listen to it at home. I take any performance of mine seriously no matter the crowd or place.
Evert song i choose, every vocal technique plays an important role in my deicison. She asked for my opinion about the french song she chose and i said its nice but the vocals are too simple for me.
I like to perform when there's a fire in it, a spark something that makes me addicted. She took it the wrong way and was coming back to me with a funny attitude and being all sacarstic. I for one do NOT take that kind of attitude no matter who you are. If you were my friend I'd tell you but I dont hold a passion of loathe against you.

Course, i fired her comeback and said look im just telling you this so you dont say this to others. im patient and im telling you this but if you were to do it to someone else you're gonna piss them off. she laughed and said thank you. OKAY FINE RIGHT?

Next day i get in for law and Kim tells me shes been going around tellin people i yelled at her. BULLOCKS!
it was on freaking msn! how in bullocks name am i to yell at her? whatever i thought, i got no time for this crap.

today i read some shit on her blog.

listen up sweety, im loving and when i love someone no matter the hurt they cause i'll still love them. They respect me and they have values in them
You go around preaching about the lack of love and respect around us but go on dissing personal shit on the net? every thing in it disses everyone and how you didnt get what you wanted!!

Nobody gets what they want all the time!!!! you work to get there! you think everyones life is easy, you think that cos they dont talk about it. So dont you dare go on implying that im not good enough that i got chosen because of how i looked or whatever. No, he's never heard me sing and yes he requested that i perform but who are you to say i aint good enough or no better than you?

you see you dont just wherever you want to get with talent. its your respect and attitude towards people. you need to learn that and maybe people will learn to like you more and give you a shot. Im not stupid, i dont need literal words to understand your message. you think i dont observe what happens around me but you watch out because it aint just me.

I may not give you a piece of my mind that'll hit you so hard one day but if you keep going on like this, someone else will.